Individual Grief and Loss in the Workplace
Grief in the workplace is common, yet rarely discussed. At some point in every person’s life, they face the loss of a loved one, family member, dear companion, or even a coworker or business partner. Grief, especially in the early stages, cannot be isolated to non-work hours and may be expressed in the workplace, even translating to poor work performance.
According to the CDC’s National Center for Health Statistics, in the 18 months between January 2020 and June 2021, the United States lost approximately 5 million people. That translates to a large number of people experiencing grief and loss, likely in the workplace. Yet, our workplace bereavement policies may not be supportive of the full grief process.
Organizations often offer somewhere between 3 to 7 days of bereavement leave after notification. This time away is usually based on society’s ideas about personal relationships and bonds. More days for a child, spouse, or parent. Fewer days for more distant relatives. Sometimes no days for any relationship not supported by blood or legal bonds. It is my opinion that policies are based on outdated sentiments about relationship bonds.
The depth and length of grief are highly individual and often based on the individual’s perception of the strength of the relationship and the type of loss. Families are variable in their makeup. Losing a child is often a deep loss, but losing a parent may depend on the relationship with that parent. Some individuals’ closest family may not be a parent or a child, but a relationship that is not by blood or legal bond. Therefore, losing a best friend may be such a profound loss that it has a similar impact as someone who may lose a parent. The grief for these individuals may run very deep and not feel ‘peripheral’.
My immediate thoughts when reflecting on policies that carve out a length of time based on these societal standards is that the time off is not based on any expected grief period. Grief is not linear and is unique. In fact, depending on the individual’s perception regarding the closeness of the loss and, the additional variable of the suddenness of the loss, a person could take as much as two years to properly grieve; while some may never feel the same again.
The lack of support provided by corporate policies and the individualized length of the grieving process means that we must be prepared to respond to grief in the workplace. How colleagues and managers respond at work may play a crucial part in how bereaved colleagues navigate their grief and their lives.
Navigating Individual Grief & Loss in the Workplace
When a person in your organization or on your team experiences grief and loss, it is difficult to know exactly what to say or if anything at all should be said. More important than finding the right thing to say, find the right ways to support grief in the workplace.
Respect Privacy
Once informed of a personal loss, ask if you should inform the team. This is important because some may not want to share their loss with coworkers. The shower of condolences and sympathies may be overwhelming. Others may want the understanding and support of their colleagues. This should not be a guessing game. It is important to ask and then honor the bereaved’s wishes.
Offer Support
The best way to acknowledge another’s grief and loss is to understand what they might need during the time of adjustment. Remember, grief extends beyond the corporate policy on bereavement so have an open conversation about how you can temporarily adjust work expectations to reduce the challenges of grieving at work. Don’t assume either party will know exactly what is needed. These might be ongoing discussions as their grief journey progresses, so don’t be afraid to check-in often.
Adjust Expectations
It may seem obvious to shift workload around to make an easier return for those experiencing loss. It is also critical to adjust performance expectations as they continue to navigate and adjust. Some experiencing loss may believe their work could be a helpful distraction from their emotions, yet their perfectly normal symptoms associated with grief may not result in a high level of performance or outcomes. Grief can cause:
- A weakened immune system, making illness more likely. How flexible are you able to be with additional time off?
- Extreme restlessness, moving from one activity to another, or the opposite-sitting and doing nothing for long periods. How can we adjust performance expectations and feedback to help with the lack of focus?
- Difficulty remembering or experiencing gaps in memory. How can we adjust performance expectations to accommodate for the confusion that might also be frustrating for the bereaved?
Plan some transition time for the bereaved, helping to ease them back into full work expectations. This may vary depending on the loss they have experienced and the adjustment they have to make in their life because of the loss. The loss of a partner or parent may mean offering extra grace as they adjust their home life through this period. Any deeply felt loss may require some time away from work (arriving late, leaving early, or long lunches) to attend grief therapy or support groups. Keep the lines of communication open and work together to make the best adjustments for the employee, the manager, and the team.
Make Escape Plans
In a state of grief, even if the employee believes they can still perform their role, there may be moments that require a swift exit. During their grief journey, an individual may not know what could trigger them and the emotions associated with grief cannot be isolated to evenings and weekends. Help the individual make escape plans that will allow them to gracefully remove themselves at any time. Consider tips like sitting close to the door during meetings in conference rooms for a swift exit. Offer approaches to making virtual meetings manageable such as camera off, muting the phone, and using asynchronous work as a default option.
The most important tip we can offer to leaders and managers of those experiencing grief and loss is that it is ok to not have the answers. Always share corporate resources, such as EAP, that can support the employee through their process. It is not your role to attempt to be a therapist, create a partnership with your Human Resources team so they can assist you and the employee towards the best possible outcome.
Grief is tricky and prevalent, especially in a time of covid. Be sure to offer the support your employee may need to transition back to work during a time when they may not know how best to move forward. A workplace culture that acknowledges the humanity of its staff and encourages people to be human will help people thrive even in their darkest moments in life.
CDC National Center for Health Statistics
About The Author
Originally published at https://www.wyld.work on February 8, 2022.
